I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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