happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
