I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize