I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
