The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
