she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
