Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
