I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
