So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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