He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
