y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
