News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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