She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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