what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize