So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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