I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
