I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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