Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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