My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh god it's open bar.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
