Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
