how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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