I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
