meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
