GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
