Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
