I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
