Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
