What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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