I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
