You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize