batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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