Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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