We won't sleep together?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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