She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
