nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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