I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
