i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize