Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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