from now on my penis is your penis
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
