you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
