fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
