and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
