i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
