He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
