I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
