I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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