his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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