they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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