On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
