ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
