I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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