So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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