Just cropdusted the office
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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