one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
