I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
