I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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