Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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