So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
