Can i not drive my cunt home
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
