It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
