I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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