Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
