i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
