My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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