I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she peed on how many people?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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