What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
