she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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