I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize