Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
