I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
