She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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