How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
