I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
