I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
