He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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