I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
