No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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